Link 2017

I went to Texas to meet friends from my online school!!!!  It was called LINK and it was held at a conference center complete with pool, blob, and gym.  When I arrived, I walked into the gym and was almost immediately hugged and welcomed by people I had only met online. While the boys played basketball, we did crazy chants for no particular team with our slightly crazy teacher.

That night we hung out in the pool and chatted.

The next morning I showed up and I had a group of friends to hang out with.  Its kinda crazy how quickly we all meshed.

That day we ran around the conference center and played games like Mafia,  signs, and psychiatrist.  We also blobbed and swam.

(The tired Cheer-leading squad)

That night we watched Tangled and made commentary through the whole thing.  Then we hung out until our curfew.

The next day was field day, but sadly it was raining so it became gym day.

 After that my family and I went to the Alamo.

 When we finally got back to the conference center, it was time for dance practice.  I didn't know what I was doing, which resulted in many laughs for my partners.

Day three I couldn't find anyone.  Finally, I found one girl from my squad and we eventually found everyone else.  We played psychiatrist all morning and then we ate lunch.  After lunch most everyone went to play rugby but I decided to hang out in the pool with two other girls.

 Then it was time to get ready for the dance!  It was so much fun because all of us girls used the gym bathroom and we all did our makeup and hair together.

 

                                                                   


The dance was my first formal dance and I had a great time!

 

Day four we had to say goodbye and it was so sad, but we're going to keep in touch and have classes together again!

Freshman year: A beautiful blur

The first semester

I nailed the audition!  The first time singing in front of a new choire director and I moved her to tears! My artistic director smiled the whole time

I show up at the church for my first high school class.  A friendly girl from my dance academy runs up and hugs me.  It's going to be ok.  I knock my books over and a girl with a sweet smile asks, "What's your name?"  I have friends it's going to be ok.

First rehearsal.  Am I singing first or second soprano?  Let's try first.

School.  It's taking up all of my time.  I never knew that school could be so exhausting.

Second rehearsal.  Preliminary casting.  I'm opening the show!!!!

Dance. "Would you like to try modern dancing?"  I've never improved before but here goes nothing.

Third rehearsal.  " We need someone to play Eve for the night."  I jump out of my seat.  I forget where I am.  I improve and move to the music. My mind goes black and I forget myself.  I come back to my senses and every one's starring at me.  I get the part.

  

I'm at school. I'm still not talking very much but I'm slowly making friends.  Ewe there's a worm.  Please, please, please don't make me cut that open, Mr. Curtis!  I think I might peuk.

"Do your Homework!  Quick!   Get ready.  Throw some food into a Tupperware container.  Find your dance shoes.  Run out of the door!  Give 110 percent at rehearsal.  Fall asleep on the way home."

"Samantha, can you choreograph your own 16 count dance solo?"

I'm not resting I'm running on empty.  I'm clinging to the little things in life like I'm about to loose them.

Hunchback.  I fell in love with the music, the story and everything about it.  I've never loved seeing a show more.

I have fallen into a perfect patter.  If I do everything exactly on my schedule I will maintain good grades and excellence in performing.

I fall apart.  No one should be able to keep up this pace.

Hallelujah, It's Christmas break.

"Samantha can you take a solo at the Christmas Eve service?Will you sing the soprano?" I smile, of course!

Now that I can rest my body decides to revolt and get sick.

I open my mouth at the Christmas Eve service.  I feel my insides shaking.  My throat is clogged.  Here comes the high note.  My voice cracked in front of all those people.  I wanted to cry but I kept trying.  If only I hadn't gotten sick.

My family and I run away.  We go to the beach, we go shopping and we breath for the first time since school started.

 The Second Semester

I'm strong again, I can so do this .I just needed a break of beautiful nothingness

The pattern is still there but I have a refreshed joy in it.

Drama is still hard work but now I have friends to laugh with  

  


Keep running the same pace

"I know you're tired but don't slow down."

Hamilton becomes a part of my life.  I was so helpless when I heard  "You'll Be Back", that I knew I would never be satisfied with just one song.  During school hours  I was willing to wait for it,  I couldn't listen to it during school because I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT.  I'm gonna rise up by being a lot smarter by working a lot harder by being a self-starter.

My director says it's time to run and she wasn't kidding.  My whole life is running just so I can make it to the next thing.

I pull myself out of bed.  Do my homework.  Exercise.  Quickly get ready.  Hop in the car.  Get fast food.  I basically live at rehearsal.

"Miss Harrison, Would you care to join the class?  We are studying grammar you were off in lala land"

I'm sorry Mrs.  Taylor I was at rehearsal till 11:pm last night and I was trying to figure out what I am going to do about my dance solo and my 30 second costume change and so many other life issues...

School becomes a means to the ends.  Get it done, get it done well, get it done fast.

The show is a few weeks away.

I'm tired but I'm having a great time being busy

Then suddenly I feel my throat start to itch my voice isn't normal. It's a little cold, it's nothing keep moving, keep running, don't stop.

Messy bun and coffee are essential.  Just keep doing what you'r doing.

A cough rises up in me. It's just a little cold keep moving.

Two weeks later I'm still coughing and it's heavy.  It's painful but I can't be sick.

Keep running.

My mother steps in.  Tells me to stop.  I've been sick for three weeks.

I miss everything but rehearsals for a week.

I go to the doctor who gives me an inhaler. I've never been this sick before and this is the worst possible time to be sick.

The show is a few weeks away.

I haven't seen my bff in three weeks.  I randomly show up at her house and sneak into her vlog.

I get better and fall back into my pattern.

I blink and it's my first dress tech!

I have thirty seconds to go into the stable, rip off the sling that makes me look pregnant and exit the stable carrying baby Jesus.  I step out of the stable but to  my dismay and Joseph's amusement, the sling is stuck on the back of my robe.  Joseph kicks the sling off but we are out of character and laughing.

 

Opening night, here we go.

Blink and it's closing night.

I'm stunned, I'm crying, I'm a mess.

Sleep. Beautiful sleep.

Easter/ Good Friday, Samantha you're taking a duet and solo. I determine not to ruin it.  What happened at Christmas  is not happening again!

 

School.  I don't want to do it, but I have to.  I just want to be done.

Dance recital and exams have to  happen at the same time.

I'm done!  It's over and here comes summer and Sophomore year behind it.

Freshmen year was a blur but I loved every second of it.  I worked my tail end off.  There were moments when I didn't think I could keep going but God got me through it.  I made new friendships and strengthened old ones.  Freshmen year was  a beautiful blur.

A Letter to myself and those like me

Dear Samantha,

I know you're stressed.  I know your tired, but don't quit.  I know all you want to do is sleep because Freshmen year was exhausting, but don't waist your time.  You have exams and you have to study.

I know you're GPA is starring you in the face and your afraid of ruining it.  I know that you think colleges won't want you if you fail these exams.

I know your exhausted from your last performance but you can't sit still because you have another in two weeks.

I know you should probably be studying instead of reading this but before you go

BREATH

You're going to be ok.  Stop stressing and just breath.

These exams are just a stroke in the big picture of your life.  This performance is just one show on your resume.  I know they feel huge right now, but in ten years none of this will matter.

God's got this.  You don't have to stress because you are not in control.  You were never in control and you never will be.

Even if you fail these exams.  Even if you miss every single dance step.  It's going to be ok.

God's plan for you will not be changed, and cannot be changed.

Work hard, but don't stress because God's got this.

Sincerely,
Samantha

PS.  Keep your side of the deal.  Work hard, study, practice, and pray

Stunned

The curtain closed for the last time

Now I can cry

I sit on the stairway and laugh and cry

I come out and friends and family want to congratulate me but I can't stop crying

Before the show I was crying

But you talked me through it

 All I could say was "I'm gonna miss you"

After the curtain closed

and the set disappeared

We sat in a restaurant

We chose a buffet but we could only stomach one plate

We sat there staring at each other

We've already talked about everything there is to talk about, after all we had six months of rehearsals

So we just sit

The silence says, "I don't want to leave you."

A wonderful half hour

    

     I have been the busiest person ever for the past six months. I've taken only three or four breaks and the rest of the time I have been doing homework, reading homework that is due the next day in a panic, sleeping very little, worrying way too much, dancing like I've never danced before in my life, discovering what I'm really capable of as an actress, trying to manipulate my vocal range, and stressing. Stressing every day. 

     But I finally found a few moments of peace. Just to think. Just to sit. Just to be. I had come home from a long day of school(coop) and I was tired. Honestly for the past few weeks I haven't been loving my life . I woke up every morning and I've thought,"Do I have to get out of bed? Do I have to go to rehearsal? Do I have to try and understand algebra?"Of course the answer was always yes but life felt like a duty, an obligation. It felt mundane. 

     But then today I felt something again. I felt that spark and passion that keeps me moving even when everything else is telling me to stop. It was so Beautiful outside . I grabbed my diary and darted outside, I sat down on the  bank and I realized that God is good and no matter how crazy my life is God will always be good. So when your feeling like I have been, grab your diary or a piece of paper and write down all of the wonderful things about your life and remember that God is good.

A blessing in disguise

       Busy.  Tired.  No sleep.  No time.  Messy mascara because I had to do it in the car.  A miss-matched outfit.  Chipped fingernails.  I forgot my dance shoes.  Where's my lipstick?  A voice that won't stop cracking.  A body barely able to move.  The strangest dinner you've ever had grabbed on your way out of the door.   Tingling rises up in me. Runny nose.  Red eyes.  No sleep.  No rest.  More caffeine.  Grab a tissue.  Pretend your nose isn't running.  Keep dancing.  Keep singing.  Keep smiling.  You can't be sick.  No sleep.  No rest.  C plus in algebra.  More homework.  No time.  Can't stop coughing.  Keep moving.  The tingling.  The cough.  The cast tells me to go to the doctor.  I laugh.  There's no time to be sick.  Keep dancing  Keeping singing.  Keep smiling.   Fall over. I lost control.  Miss school.  Sleep all day.  Blow  my nose.  Stop dancing.  Sing softer.  It's ok to cry.  It's ok to be sick. Rest.  Sleep. Ditch the dance shoes.  Watch a movie.  Make it to rehearsal only because performance is three weeks away.  Bring a tissue.  Bring the inhaler.  Keep smiling.  Cut out everything but rehearsals.  Rest for the first time in three months.  Crazy life where being sick is a blessing in disguise.

The crazy emtional balance of everything

I feel like that lady in Mom's Night Out. "I am  a blogger, I am a [student] blogger...."  How long has it been since I posted anything?  I'm sorry you guys, but LIFE....
   Not that I don't love to blog, it's just my crazy life,  Rehearsals, school, rehearsals school and did I mention rehearsals?  I have been drowned beneath homework and trying to get to rehearsal on time. My messy bun and my coffee cup have been my very best of friends, and sleep is positively optional. My production is very quickly approaching, and my whole life is a blur. I'm just trying to keep my head above water.  In a word my life is exhaustion.  I two words my life is beautiful exhaustion.
     The cast in my current production is rather large but I'm one of the two teenage girls.  The production is the story of the Bible.  So with only two teenage girls they are using us both of us in multiple places. I'm playing three roles, understudying one role and two solos, and I choreographed my own 16- count dance solo.  I'm bouncing from "The Women," (Revelation 12) to Eve, to Mary mother of God.  My emotions are flying everywhere.
      A lot of people who don't do theatre think that acting is becoming someone else.  IT'S NOT.  It's finding the similarities between you and your character and showing them to the audience.  It's not becoming someone else, it's finding someone inside of you.  It's learning something new about yourself.
      So since acting isn't "acting"  you can image my crazy emotions.  I leave rehearsals exhausted and emotionally spent.  I have literally cried for no reason on the way home.  Because of the emotional commitment, I've had to find creative ways to come in to rehearsals full so I can leave emotionally stable.

1.  Reading my Bible
2. listening to good music
3. stretching(Plea, tondue, split, straddle,)
4.  Riding my bike on a cool morning
5.  Texting a friend
6. laughing with my friends at drama about the craziness of trying to get this huge production together
7. Drinking lots of water
8. A hot cup of tea
9.  A large iced coffee
10.  Vocal warm ups(do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti-do-ti-la-so-fa-me-re-do)
11.  Spending extra time getting ready(who doesn't feel more confident with a perfect makeup job?)
12. Wear high-heels to rehearsal just because feeling taller makes me feel good
13. Intentionally making sure my nails are done the night before(it's important, it makes me feel terrible if I look down and my nails are chipped)
14. Exercise!

      I know these feel frivolous, but seriously they help.  When your going somewhere to give something of yourself, you have to fill yourself up.  These things are important because they make me feel good, they help me prepare myself to be the best I can be.  They give me emotional rest so I'm ready to really be the characters I need to be.