November recap

Hello world!!!!

I know I have not been keeping up with my end of the moth recaps, but this month was AMAZING.

My month started in Virginia visiting my brother at Liberty University for family weekend, and it was one of my favorite things ever.  I got to spend two night in the girls dorms on my brothers hall and it was the most fun I've had in a long time.  These collage girls stayed up until 3:00 A.M. eating chocolate and talking about their day!

My brother's two best friends from growing up are also attending Liberty so we got to spend some time with their siblings who I've grown up with.

When I got home I threw myself right back into everything.  Rehearsals and school.

Rehearsal was stressful for a while, but I'm making new friends and it's great.  I spent a week in my normal madness, and then it was Thanksgiving break.

The last Friday of doing school before break, I stayed up till 1:00 a.m. because my big brother was coming home!  which may not have been smart because I had rehearsal all day Saturday.  At rehearsal, I got my gorgeous teacher costume!!!

That night my family hit the fair and had an absolute blast just being together.  Sunday I woke up early, for church and sang on the praise team, and then my brother took us over to our mother church's Thanksgiving lunch and that was absolutely wonderful.  Sunday night we went to see our grandparents for an early Thanksgiving with my Dad's side of the family.  Monday, my brother and I went to the beach with friends, and then I had rehearsal.  Tuesday, I worked on a class project about Macbeth and packed.  Wednesday my brother helped me record this... https://youtu.be/GnAyR36jOig

 and then we left for Jacksonville where my Mom's mother lives.  Thursday I was sick and so I took a long Thanksgiving nap.  Friday, I slept in, ate Thanksgiving leftovers, went to see Wonder(which was an AMAZING movie) with my cousins, siblings, parents, aunt, grandmother and great aunt, and that night we met up with friends in Saint Augustine for the nights of ligthts, and then we hit Cracker Barrel. 

Saturday we headed home, but stopped at some outlets, and I got an adorable shirt from Papaya.  Sunday I threw myself back into the madness.  

Here I am it's tech week for the Christmas Carol(opening TOMORROW (WHAT)!!!!!!!!), and Christmas time!


Merry Christmas!

Feeling vs Knowing

Hello friends,

My life has been insane and weird and absolutely wonderful.

As I told my friend recently," I know I'm fine I just don't feel like it."

But that's the thing, it's ok to rest in what you know and not what you feel.

Feelings are testy things that change every second.

What you know and what you feel aren't the same thing.

When I'm in rehearsal  trying to keep small children quiet in the wings or when I'm exhausted and can't sing the way I want to, or when I almost pass out on stage when I'm trying to lead worship, or when I'm  doing school and I've lost my 4.0, I have to rest in what I know.

I know that God is good and He loves me more than I can comprehend.

I know that there are beautiful things and people in this world even when I'm too busy to notice.

I know that I have an amazing, supportive group of friends who are there for me even when I've been to busy to see them.

I know that God's plan for me is perfect.

I know that my family will always be there.

I know that I am made in the image of God and through Christ I am more than a conqueror.

He's in control and I'm not.  He's already written my story.  I'm not holding the pen because God is.

The Only Solid Rock

It's been a bizarre couple of weeks for everyone.

Emotions and fears have been flying everywhere.

First there was Harvey, then Irma, then Maria, then the earthquake, and then the shooting in Las Vegas.

It's also been weird personally.  I've been stressed and buried in homework and dropping grades and the President and Founder of my drama group passed away suddenly from a major heart attack.

Monday,I was at SAT prep and everything was normal and I get in the car and my mom explains the shooting in Vegas.

That night and I got a call from my abf (acting best friend.)  She sounded serious as she told me there was something she had to tell me.  She braced me saying, "this is upsetting," and I sat  down as she told me that the founder and president of our production company, Travis, was in Heaven.  I was breath taken from shock and we sat in silence on the phone.

Thursday was my sweet sixteen and my family was truly wonderful!  That night I went to rehearsal to sing in the choir at the funeral.

Saturday morning I was sitting in the choir loft at the funeral and listening intently.  Travis was a man who left a legacy and I had to ask myself, "What kind of legacy am I making?"

This world is crazy and no when knows when they will leave it.  We have to honor God while we are here.

This morning my church's worship leader put an emphases on the solid rock we have in Jesus.  Nothing else is firm.  Nothing here is trustworthy.

Jesus is the only true safety.  Jesus is the only way to find peace in this world.  When events like these take place, all I can do is run to Jesus.  He will hold me.  He will be glorified.  The fact that the world is crazy does not change the fact that God is God.

"When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace.  In every high and stormy gale, my Anchor holds within the veil."

Evacuating Irma- A Bunny's Eye View

Those humans are strange.
They stay indoors for weeks, only coming out to feed me.
Then suddenly they run around like they've lost there minds.
They're taking everything away.
She, the one who feeds me, looks like she's about to cry.  Her hair is falling everywhere and here eyes look larger than normal.   The boy who gives me water and her are carrying everything away.
She takes my food containers.
That dog got out again and those humans have to catch him.
She scoops me out of my comfortable cage and puts me in that dog's crate for a few minutes.  As soon as I get settled she pulls me out and puts me in a tiny box.
They all sound terrified.
I feel her carrying me in the box.
She lets me out and I'm in her bedroom. It looks like every possession she ever had was out.  She wraps up her fragile treasures and puts them in a large box.  Her father knocks on the door.  She looks around the room frantically.  She grabs a few last items and puts me in the tiny box.
I feel her carrying me in the box.
I jolt and we're moving faster than I ever had before.  That dog is spasming out and those humans sound terrified.
She is concerned about me and pulls me out of the box. I take it all in.  We're in a rolling box and the whole family is crammed into it.  The boy is resting on her shoulder.  The dog wants to eat me.  The boy grabs the dog and she puts me back into the tiny box.
We roll for hours and hours stopping at random times.
Finally, she carries my box into a rolling house.
Bright lights and loud voices.
She carries me back to the rolling box.
Hours later she carries me back into the rolling house, sets me down and falls dead asleep on her pile of belongings.
We wake up and she carries me to the rolling box.  We roll for hours and hours and hours.
She pulls me out of the tiny box and I breath fresh, grassy air.  She looks dirty and so does the rest of her family.  They're all covered in that dog's hair.
She puts me back into the tiny box and we roll for hours.
The world gets dark and she puts me into the rolling house.
We wake up and she carries me outside and puts me in a large crate.
Then she disappears.
The world gets dark,she pulls me out of the crate,puts me in the tiny box, and carries me into the rolling house.
We wake up.
I sit in the crate and eat my hay and drink my water.  She pulls me out and lets me run.  She follows me.
She puts me back into the crate.
The world gets dark,she pulls me out of the crate,puts me in the tiny box, and carries me into the rolling house.
We wake up and she puts me in the tiny box and we roll for hours.
The same thing happens, tiny box, crate, tiny box... rolling for hours and hours.  Will she just pick a crate?
We roll for hours suddenly we're back in her room.  She is trying to arrange her luggage. She seems happy.
She puts me back in my comfortable cage and I go to sleep.

Little Adventures

One of the things I love about my family is our spontaneity. Over the past month my family has gone on several little adventures.

This afternoon I tried to write a blog post.  As I read my post, I realized that it was boring and only interesting to myself.  So, I left the post as a draft and gave up for the day.  I knew I had to work out, but I really did not want to climb onto the treadmill.  I asked my dad if we could go do something so all five of us climbed into the suburban and headed down to the everglades!  Things like this have been happening since the beginning of August.

We began the month having adventures in Orlando.

Relaxing by the pool at my Grandma's condo

Shopping with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins

My mom, brother, sister and I went to Disney Springs one night and had the best time.  We ate at planet Hollywood and then visited the coke factory.  There was a live show and we sat at the top of the store.  We sampled "around the world", sodas from foreign countries.




The last day at Orlando my amazing older brother took me to see Spider Man and took this picture with Thor.



Then there was a whirlwind of getting my brother ready for college.  I was babysitting my two other siblings the whole week.  Because we had been in the house all week my dad took us to the beach.

The rest of that week was full of social fun.  We went jumping at a trampoline park, had dinner at our
 ate Chick-fil-a with friends late on Wednesday night, and went to the beach with some good friends.

After my brother left, My grandma took us to a pottery shop where you paint your own piece of pottery.  She also took us to Cracker Barrel.

Then I had a crazy social week.

  Friday, I hung out with the young adults because my sweet, thoughtful friends figured I was lonely without my brother.  Tuesday, I went to the movie All Saints with my friends from youth group. Wednesday, I went to a concert at church. Thursday, I went to a farewell party for a sweet lady from my drama group. Friday, I went to Lime with my family and the gym with my mom.

Yesterday, I walked my first 5k.

Finally this evening, I took a walk in the Everglades.

Hello Sophomore

Packing up the perfect year

getting ready for the new

these pages tell so many stories

random scraps of paper that speak volumes

Mrs. Pittman's literature class was a breath of fresh air to my tired soul every weak

beautiful words and deep thoughts

Algebra equations mixed with random quotes from Hamilton, Hunchback, and Wicked

It's a big beautiful mess

Papers from a class I barely understood that forced my writing in a box

The folder supposed to contain blank notebook paper holds random doodles, a character sketch describing Eve, notes from a speech competition, and of course quotes from Hunchback, Hamilton, Wicked, and Disney

I'm sitting here packing up my perfect Freshmen year and I'm listening to the play list entitled "Hello Sophomore."  I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of Freshmen year.  Every second was perfect, but Sophomore is saying  hello.  So I'll pack my backpack and make new notebooks,  I'll read through my notes from Mrs. Pittman's class,  I'll put on my lipstick and my chic boots, I'll grab my Bible and I'll go meet Sophomore year.

Summer 2017

Late nights

New friendships

Stronger friendships

First dances

Red lipstick and blond highlights

Traveling:  Texas, South Carolina, Tennessee, Orlando

Here today, gone tomorow

Hopes, plans, dreams

Dancing like a fool

Being a princess

Finding new confidence

Excel still more

So often in our Christian walk we settle for doing good enough.   We think we're trying to please God, right? We settle for serving God, our church and our families.  We think about how we can stop  sinning.  We focus on what negative things we need to change.  Do we ever stop to think what we're doing good at and how we can keep going?

Last week I went on mission to rural Tennessee, after having gone a different missions trip to South Carolina just a week before.  I was exhausted.  I didn't feel like going on another trip.  I was not exited.  I woke up at 4:00 A.M. and pulled myself out of bed.  As I got ready I realized, " You're gonna go get on a van with some of your best friends, and you're gonna serve God, and it's gonna be great."  And that's exactly what happened!  God gave the trip such a joy and a fellowship.

We went to the middle of nowhere to serve a tiny church.  From the outside it may have looked like we weren't doing anything significant.  We painted parts of the church and cleaned.  We also put on a sports camp and block party.  Six girls came to the block party.  Doesn't seem big right?  It was huge.  The little moments are the moments that change the world.  We shared the gospel and God's love and that's huge.  The pastor's wife thanked us in tears for encouraging her church.  We changed the world.

I learned that there doesn't have to be fireworks for there to be power.  Changing the world isn't going to look huge, it's almost always going to be really really small. No one may see it, but God will.  Changing the world starts one person at a time.

I also learned that no matter how close you are to God you can always be closer.  The youth pastor who led this trip  said this quote from C.S. Lewis multiple times, "Further up, further in."  The characters in the last novel of the Narnia series had just reached Heaven and instead of saying "Yay were in heaven!"  The reaction is how can we be closer?

This should also be our reaction.  Yay!  I went on a good mission trip, but how can I keep going?  When you see God working in you don't just sit there see how you can pursue that.  Celebrating is great, but pursuing what you are celebrating is even better.

So you love God?  So you've given Him your life?  So you want to change the world for Him?  You're doing great, kid, keep going.  Further up, further in!


"Finally then Brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that just as you recived instructions from us as to how you are to walk and please God(as you actaully do walk) that you excel still more."- 1 Thesolonians 4:1

How did we get here?

I feel like I'm taking slow steps but my life is flying by me

I'm in slow motion but everything else is moving at full speed

I won't let this summer go

I'm grasping it desperately

I'm living in the moments

Laughing with you

Eating Chick-fil-a late on Wednusday night

Cherishing every second with you

I known you have to leave

But I won't think about you leaving soon, so soon

I'll be strong

I'll let you  learn to be yourself

and I'll learn to be me

When I fill your shoes, but  not completely

I'll adore every second you give me

And understand when you can't

You're ready to glide and I'm ready to start flying

We're not little kids anymore

You're an adult and I will be soon

You're a rising college Freshmen, and I'm a rising highschool sophomore

How did we get here?

Yesterday you were crying about me destroying your train tracks and Mom was spanking me

Today you're telling me to sing louder and I'm telling you to keep writing music

Late at night in the garage

You play a musical masterpiece and claim it as your own

I clap my hands in delight

Your ready to take on the world
and
 I'm ready learn how to take on the world

Summer Beauty Tips

Summer is one of the hardest times of the year as far as beauty goes.  It's an extremely social time so you want to look your best, but the heat makes you lethargic.  You're out of a regular routines so you forget about quickly doing makeup in the morning or grabbing it on the way out of the door.  You don't feel like spending hours picking through your closet to find the perfect outfit.

Shoes

Find two or three pairs of shoes that you love and will go with everything.  Keep them easily available and just throw them on.

Places to find good shoes
Rosses
Marshall's
TJ-Max

Makeup

If you don't feel like doing a ton of makeup, don't.  Do a quick natural look.  Mascara, powder, highlighter, blush, and light lip gloss.  Embrace your natural beauty.  You'll gain confidence and look naturally gorgeous.

Summer suggestions

                                                           Elf yellow color corrector.
You're out in the heat so your mascara and eyeliner will smudge slightly.  When you get back inside apply the color corrector under your eyes and brush powder over it.  No one will know your makeup ran.

                                               Cover Girl Mascara clump crusher
This mascara is literally perfection.  You can do one layer for a light, day-time look or you can layer it for a night-time event.

Maybelline New York Super Stay Matte Ink

I love this lip stain because it stays on your lip for forever, and has a matte finish.  My color is Believer. 

 

Nails

Find you're happy color.  This summer, mine is black because it matches everything and is perfect for every occasion.

Hair

Seriously just wear it natural, or braid it to get a beachy wave.  Please don't spend hours curling or straightening your hair.  Just go with a nice natural looking wave.

Jewelry

The chokers are in.  I love them because they add so much to any outfit.

Summer suggestions

This is a 5-pack that I found out of all places, Kirkland's.

I also love the ear-cuffs.  They aren't you're traditional earring but they add so mush personality.

Clothes

Have a few outfits you cycle through.  The trick is to throw an outfit together and then wear it multiple places with different people.  If you have different social settings, no one will know you're re-wearing things ;)

  

        

A summer's picnic

A warm breeze blows through your hair but it is comforting

A blue eyed baby rests contentedly on your arm

You sit by her mother and listen to the hum of young mother's conversations

You argue with a friend about the spelling of your own name

You're right and he's wrong

You eat as much food as you want and forget about other people's opinion

You sit beside your closest friend and talk

There is a freedom in your conversation

You can tell her anything

You realize that your older now

Growing dangerously near adulthood

You hold flowers close to yourself, finding strength in there beauty

You pick out the smallest ones and place them in your hair on an impulse

It's nights like these that make life worth living

That subtle joy you don't realize you're feeling

Life is beautiful, the summer is freedom, and God is good

Dream Chasing: The struggle is real

   
    

It's all gone

I have nothing left

I gave everything 

Every emotion

Every dance step 

All of my voice

They took it all

Where am I?

It's killing me

But I can't live without it

It's my fate

It's who I am

I am not myself without it

It invigorates me 

It exhausts me

I can't find myself

Who am I? 

I don't understand this chapter , this page

Because I literally left my heart on stage

      I remember someone asking me in the middle of Freshmen year, "How are you enjoying drama?"  I wanted to answer,"I almost don't even want to go, I'm exhausted, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not good enough, I feel like a fool, I'm about to fall over right now from exhaustion."  Sometimes chasing a dream requires mind over matter.  I responded, " I have to remember I LOVE THIS, no matter what I'm feeling right now."

     Sometimes dream chasing is crying for no particular reason,while at the same time having a thousand different reasons. You break down and cry because you realize this is taking more than you thought.  Everyone experiences the show, but not many people experience the 20 hours a week for eight months.  Nobody realizes you live, sleep , and breath this literally.  It really does take blood sweat and tears.

     When pursue a dream with everything in you, you realize your mortality.  Your body is weak, your emotions even weaker, and your heart the weakest.  You're human.

     I'm not here to discourage you, I just want to be completely real.  Chasing a dream isn't always fun.  It certainly has it's fun moments.  You really do enjoy your dream, but it also exhausts you.  Chasing a dream is laughter, joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction, but it's also uncontrollable tears, sleepless nights, nervous breakdowns, and despair.  The fact that it is joy and pain combined makes it valuable

     Nothing worth doing is easy.  Nothing that lasts is easily won.  When you give yourself to something you take personal responsibility.  This isn't just talk, this is yours.  You've earned this.  Who would want  a dream that didn't belong to them ?

Quotes 

"And ain't nobody want to see you down in the dumps

Because you're living your dream and this should be fun
Please know that I'm not trying to preach like I'm reverend run
I beg you don't be disappointed with the man I've become" - Ed Sheeran 

"Beat up but won't be broken
Lonesome but always searching
Homesick but nobody's heading home soon
Keep on, keeping on, keeping on...
To the dreamers
Wide-eyed believers
Hanging onto hope by a thread
To the soulful
Heart open hopeful
Keep on charging ahead
'Cause, when you feel it, once you see it, and you breathe it
It's unforgettable
When you know it, once you know it, and you hold it
It's unforgettable." - For King and Country

 

Link 2017

I went to Texas to meet friends from my online school!!!!  It was called LINK and it was held at a conference center complete with pool, blob, and gym.  When I arrived, I walked into the gym and was almost immediately hugged and welcomed by people I had only met online. While the boys played basketball, we did crazy chants for no particular team with our slightly crazy teacher.

That night we hung out in the pool and chatted.

The next morning I showed up and I had a group of friends to hang out with.  Its kinda crazy how quickly we all meshed.

That day we ran around the conference center and played games like Mafia,  signs, and psychiatrist.  We also blobbed and swam.

(The tired Cheer-leading squad)

That night we watched Tangled and made commentary through the whole thing.  Then we hung out until our curfew.

The next day was field day, but sadly it was raining so it became gym day.

 After that my family and I went to the Alamo.

 When we finally got back to the conference center, it was time for dance practice.  I didn't know what I was doing, which resulted in many laughs for my partners.

Day three I couldn't find anyone.  Finally, I found one girl from my squad and we eventually found everyone else.  We played psychiatrist all morning and then we ate lunch.  After lunch most everyone went to play rugby but I decided to hang out in the pool with two other girls.

 Then it was time to get ready for the dance!  It was so much fun because all of us girls used the gym bathroom and we all did our makeup and hair together.

 

                                                                   


The dance was my first formal dance and I had a great time!

 

Day four we had to say goodbye and it was so sad, but we're going to keep in touch and have classes together again!

Freshman year: A beautiful blur

The first semester

I nailed the audition!  The first time singing in front of a new choire director and I moved her to tears! My artistic director smiled the whole time

I show up at the church for my first high school class.  A friendly girl from my dance academy runs up and hugs me.  It's going to be ok.  I knock my books over and a girl with a sweet smile asks, "What's your name?"  I have friends it's going to be ok.

First rehearsal.  Am I singing first or second soprano?  Let's try first.

School.  It's taking up all of my time.  I never knew that school could be so exhausting.

Second rehearsal.  Preliminary casting.  I'm opening the show!!!!

Dance. "Would you like to try modern dancing?"  I've never improved before but here goes nothing.

Third rehearsal.  " We need someone to play Eve for the night."  I jump out of my seat.  I forget where I am.  I improve and move to the music. My mind goes black and I forget myself.  I come back to my senses and every one's starring at me.  I get the part.

  

I'm at school. I'm still not talking very much but I'm slowly making friends.  Ewe there's a worm.  Please, please, please don't make me cut that open, Mr. Curtis!  I think I might peuk.

"Do your Homework!  Quick!   Get ready.  Throw some food into a Tupperware container.  Find your dance shoes.  Run out of the door!  Give 110 percent at rehearsal.  Fall asleep on the way home."

"Samantha, can you choreograph your own 16 count dance solo?"

I'm not resting I'm running on empty.  I'm clinging to the little things in life like I'm about to loose them.

Hunchback.  I fell in love with the music, the story and everything about it.  I've never loved seeing a show more.

I have fallen into a perfect patter.  If I do everything exactly on my schedule I will maintain good grades and excellence in performing.

I fall apart.  No one should be able to keep up this pace.

Hallelujah, It's Christmas break.

"Samantha can you take a solo at the Christmas Eve service?Will you sing the soprano?" I smile, of course!

Now that I can rest my body decides to revolt and get sick.

I open my mouth at the Christmas Eve service.  I feel my insides shaking.  My throat is clogged.  Here comes the high note.  My voice cracked in front of all those people.  I wanted to cry but I kept trying.  If only I hadn't gotten sick.

My family and I run away.  We go to the beach, we go shopping and we breath for the first time since school started.

 The Second Semester

I'm strong again, I can so do this .I just needed a break of beautiful nothingness

The pattern is still there but I have a refreshed joy in it.

Drama is still hard work but now I have friends to laugh with  

  


Keep running the same pace

"I know you're tired but don't slow down."

Hamilton becomes a part of my life.  I was so helpless when I heard  "You'll Be Back", that I knew I would never be satisfied with just one song.  During school hours  I was willing to wait for it,  I couldn't listen to it during school because I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT.  I'm gonna rise up by being a lot smarter by working a lot harder by being a self-starter.

My director says it's time to run and she wasn't kidding.  My whole life is running just so I can make it to the next thing.

I pull myself out of bed.  Do my homework.  Exercise.  Quickly get ready.  Hop in the car.  Get fast food.  I basically live at rehearsal.

"Miss Harrison, Would you care to join the class?  We are studying grammar you were off in lala land"

I'm sorry Mrs.  Taylor I was at rehearsal till 11:pm last night and I was trying to figure out what I am going to do about my dance solo and my 30 second costume change and so many other life issues...

School becomes a means to the ends.  Get it done, get it done well, get it done fast.

The show is a few weeks away.

I'm tired but I'm having a great time being busy

Then suddenly I feel my throat start to itch my voice isn't normal. It's a little cold, it's nothing keep moving, keep running, don't stop.

Messy bun and coffee are essential.  Just keep doing what you'r doing.

A cough rises up in me. It's just a little cold keep moving.

Two weeks later I'm still coughing and it's heavy.  It's painful but I can't be sick.

Keep running.

My mother steps in.  Tells me to stop.  I've been sick for three weeks.

I miss everything but rehearsals for a week.

I go to the doctor who gives me an inhaler. I've never been this sick before and this is the worst possible time to be sick.

The show is a few weeks away.

I haven't seen my bff in three weeks.  I randomly show up at her house and sneak into her vlog.

I get better and fall back into my pattern.

I blink and it's my first dress tech!

I have thirty seconds to go into the stable, rip off the sling that makes me look pregnant and exit the stable carrying baby Jesus.  I step out of the stable but to  my dismay and Joseph's amusement, the sling is stuck on the back of my robe.  Joseph kicks the sling off but we are out of character and laughing.

 

Opening night, here we go.

Blink and it's closing night.

I'm stunned, I'm crying, I'm a mess.

Sleep. Beautiful sleep.

Easter/ Good Friday, Samantha you're taking a duet and solo. I determine not to ruin it.  What happened at Christmas  is not happening again!

 

School.  I don't want to do it, but I have to.  I just want to be done.

Dance recital and exams have to  happen at the same time.

I'm done!  It's over and here comes summer and Sophomore year behind it.

Freshmen year was a blur but I loved every second of it.  I worked my tail end off.  There were moments when I didn't think I could keep going but God got me through it.  I made new friendships and strengthened old ones.  Freshmen year was  a beautiful blur.